I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
