I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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