I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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