i just google imaged poop.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
