hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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