i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
