if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
