What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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