So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's always time for handjobs
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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