Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
