you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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