yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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