The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
