So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
