I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
