Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
