Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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