dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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