billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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