HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
