You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
