so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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