i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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