There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
