this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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