I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
