I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
