Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
