were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
