Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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