The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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