I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
