I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
