He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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