I'm lost and stupid without you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
