yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
