plz talk dirty to me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
