So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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