Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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