I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
