she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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