Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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