I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
