Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
