I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize