I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
