Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
