im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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