pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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