I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
