Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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