Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
