The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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