so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
