I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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