I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
