i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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