What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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