about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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