ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
